Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: Trump and Putin Edition

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin sat across from each other in a room so dimly lit it could have doubled as a villain’s lair—or maybe just a really moody coffee shop. The tension hung in the air, thicker than a bowl of Russian borscht left out overnight.

Trump broke the silence first, throwing his arms up like he was auditioning for a reality show. "You’re absolutely insane, Vlad! I mean, this whole aerial assault thing? Not cool. Not classy. It’s like you’ve forgotten how to be a gentleman!"

Putin leaned back in his chair, sipping his tea with the kind of smugness that could only be cultivated by someone who’s wrestled bears for fun. "Donald, you are... how do Americans say? Drama queen. Maybe too much emotional overload, da?"

Trump clutched his chest like he’d been struck by a stray tweet. "Emotional overload?! Me? I’m the most stable genius in the history of stable geniuses! You’re lucky to even know me!"

Putin raised an eyebrow so high it practically hit the ceiling. "Stable? You change your mind more often than Moscow weather—and trust me, that’s saying something."

"Oh, please!" Trump shot back, flipping his golden hair with a flourish that would make any shampoo commercial jealous. "At least I don’t annex Crimea like it’s a Black Friday doorbuster deal!"

The room fell silent for a moment, the kind of silence where you could almost hear the sound of mutual disdain brewing. Finally, Trump took a deep breath, his voice trembling with what could only be described as dramatic flair. "You know what, Vlad? I think we need a break. This bromance? It’s toxic."

Putin shrugged, unfazed as ever. "Fine. But you will miss me when you see Zelensky’s speeches. He is... how you say? Too much energy."

Trump rolled his eyes so hard they nearly did a full 360-degree spin. "Oh, don’t even get me started on Zelensky! He’s like one of those motivational speakers who thinks yelling louder makes them more convincing."

Putin smirked, clearly enjoying himself now. "Da, but at least he does not call himself genius every five minutes."

The conversation devolved into what can only be described as a breakup argument worthy of a soap opera:

Trump: "You know what? I can’t deal with this anymore! You’re just crazy!"

Putin: "Crazy? Look who’s talking! You’re the one acting all emotional!"

Trump: "Emotional? I’m just passionate about not dating dictators!"

Putin: "Passionate? More like dramatic! You’re like reality TV but without the ratings!"

Trump: "At least I’m not plotting behind your back!"

Putin: "Plotting? Honey, I’m playing chess while you’re still stuck on checkers!"

Trump: "Chess? You mean manipulating everyone like puppets?"

Putin: "Better than throwing tantrums like spoiled child!"

Trump: "Spoiled? I deserve better than your crazy antics!"

Putin: "Crazy? You’re the one who thinks Twitter is the answer to everything!"

Trump: "Oh, please! At least I don’t hide in bunkers like some scared little tyrant!"

Putin: "Scared? I am strategic! Unlike you, who cannot keep stories straight!"

Trump: "Stories? You mean your fairy tales?"

Putin: "Fairy tales? At least I do not live in fantasy world!"

Trump threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine! If you think I’m emotional, then maybe we should just break up!"

Putin smirked again, his poker face unshaken. "Good! I am tired of your melodrama!"

Trump stormed out of the room, muttering under his breath, "I should’ve swiped left on this relationship."

Meanwhile, somewhere in Kyiv, President Volodymyr Zelensky was rehearsing one of his fiery speeches. Completely unaware that he’d just been cast as the rebound guy in this international soap opera, Zelensky gestured passionately toward an imaginary crowd. "We will not bow down! We will not surrender!" His energy was so electric it could’ve powered half of Europe.

Back in Washington, Trump was already drafting a tweet about how he was too good for Putin anyway. Meanwhile, in Moscow, Putin was sipping tea and casually plotting his next chess move—both literally and metaphorically.

As for Zelensky? He was just happy to be included in the drama. After all, who wouldn’t want to star in the world’s most bizarre political rom-com?

And so, the saga continued—proof that even on the global stage, breaking up is hard to do... but it sure makes for great entertainment.

Kremlin calls Trump 'emotional' after US president says Putin is 'crazy' https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g2wz74jdzo

Elton John - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

via @YouTube

Michael Bolton - How Am I Supposed To Live Without You

via @YouTube

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

via @YouTube

The Manhattans - Kiss and Say Goodbye

via @YouTube

I've Been Loving You Too Long

via @YouTube

Jimmy Ruffin - What Becomes of the Brokenhearted (HQ)

via @YouTube

via @YouTubeThanks for reading BIG EDUCATION APE UNCHAINED! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.